What Makes You Angry?

Idris Tawfiq

Some people always look angry, don’t they? You can see it on their faces. These people look as though they will explode any minute and vent their anger on the first person who gives them the chance to do so. Heaven help the waiter who is late with the coffee or the gas station worker who makes a mistake with the change. There is no pleasing such people. They are the most difficult people to work or to live with.
There is a big difference, though, between being angry and showing your anger. People show their anger in different ways. For some, it is precisely the kind of explosive outburst we have just mentioned. For others, they can be just as angry, but they express their anger quietly. There is a difference, too, between things that make us angry and things that annoy us.

Annoyance

All of us become annoyed, now and again, by the routines of life. Being kept waiting for people who are late for an appointment is annoying. Not finding the right can of baked beans in the supermarket is annoying, especially if you have been looking forward to them! Such things, though, in Allah’s scheme of things, are not world shattering. We can get by with life’s little annoyances.

Being angry, though, is a different matter. If we find ourselves getting angry and losing our temper over small things, we need to take a look at ourselves and ask what is causing this anger. Are we angry with others just because we got up late or we didn’t have any breakfast? If this is the case, there is really no excuse for our anger. Are we finding fault with others when really the blame lies squarely on our own shoulders? As Muslims, we should try to tame this sort of anger. This is not how Muslims behave. At the present time, many eyes are on Muslims, looking for yet another excuse to find fault or to point an accusing finger. We should never let our own behaviour be the reason others think ill about Islam.

There are, on the other hand, things that cause us to be angry. Some things really make us mad. In these cases, being angry is quite justifiable and as Muslims we are right to be angry. We read in a translation of the meaning of the Qur’an:

(O ye who believe. Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves or your parents or your kin.](An-Nisaa’ 4:135)

Justice

Justice should be so important to us that we should seek justice, even if it costs us dearly. Justice is one of the attributes of Almighty Allah. He is just in all that He does. As Muslims we should be keen to see justice prevail, and we should be angry when people are dealt with unjustly.

There are small things that make me angry because they involve people. It really makes me angry, for example, when I see someone who has a lot of money treating someone with little money in an unkind way. You know the kind of people I mean. The kind of man with a big car, who drives fast and hoots his horn to make people get out of the way, just to show how important he is. Or the man who insists on being served before anyone else, just because he has more money than they have. I was in line at the airport once and a “celebrity” turned up and pushed right to the front of the line. “Don’t you know who I am?” he said. The man behind him had a great reply: “You are a human being, just like everyone else!”

These kind of people make me angry because they are not fair to others. Instead of thanking Allah for the good things they have in life, they boast of the vastness of their riches and abuse those who have none. In fact, anyone in a position of authority who abuses that authority makes me angry. As Muslims we should care for the poor and the weak. Caring for them means speaking out on their behalf, too.

Unfortunately, in our world there are some situations that cause us to be rightly angry. When we see the terrible suffering of our brothers and sisters in Palestine, who are humiliated daily by occupation soldiers and are denied basic human rights and, in some cases, access to their land and their family, this is an evil that causes us to be angry. Having foreign occupation soldiers in Muslim lands makes me angry. Muslims being targeted in many societies because of their religion makes me angry. The list goes on, but I think you get the idea. Injustice is the greatest cause for anger in our world.

What we do with our anger and how we respond to injustice are what makes us different from others. For example, when those cartoons appeared in Denmark about our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him), we had every cause to be angry. Burning flags and throwing stones, though, did not seem to me to be the right response. Such a response played right into the hands of those who want Islam and Muslims to look bad. Boycotting goods, speaking out, writing to MPs and ambassadors all seemed ways of showing how angry we were.

Final Thoughts

Similarly, if we are really angry about what is going on in Palestine, we could do something tomorrow to stop it. We could boycott Israeli goods and the goods of those who support Israel. This would have an immediate effect. Money talks. But often, all we are prepared to do is just talk to ourselves. Anyone can burn a flag or throw stones. Giving up our favourite fizzy drinks might hurt us more, but it cuts off money to those who provide bombs and bullets that kill Palestinian women and children. This is a real focus for our anger.

There is a lot, then, that can make us angry. Knowing how to control and channel our anger is what is most important. Otherwise, our anger just costs us a lot of emotion but achieves little else. As Muslims, we need to be wise. We also need to be very calm and to remember that Allah, not us, is in control of all things. If our anger is just bad temper, then it is inexcusable. If it is righteous anger, we should learn how to make our feelings known. If the world’s Muslims could channel their righteous anger into the proper ways of combating injustice and oppression, then perhaps the world would sit up and listen to us. If we are just angry young men and women, no one will bother about us at all.

How To Stop Being A Violent Person

Latiefa Achmat

People may not always think too much about themselves and their behavior; they may spend many years of their lives with bad and destructive habits, until they finally realize that they are violent and that the people they love are afraid of them. It is hoped that the following information will help violent people, as well as the people around them, to understand the signs of violence and what can be done to help overcome them.
A violent person has a low threshold of anger. This means that it does not take much to make him or her angry and react aggressively. A violent person also does not like to be opposed; is unable to deal with opposition. Some people may be born with characteristics that incline them to violence, but the environment at home and the example of family can either reduce the effect of these characteristics or develop them. A personality trait can be developed over time and usually becomes full blown by the time the person reaches 17 years or so. After this age, violence is often a choice, whereas before that it can be considered a behavioral pattern that is often affected by peer pressure.When my friend was 17 years old, she was sitting in school and her friend leaned over and talked to her. The teacher turned around at that moment and saw my friend being spoken to by another girl. For some unknown reason he chose to throw the duster at my friend. The injustice was obvious in the eyes of all the class that they collectively urged her to throw the duster back at the teacher!

My friend recalled that she didn’t really want to do that and didn’t see what good it would do, but because of the encouragement of her classmates, she submitted and threw the duster at the teacher, with a perfect aim, I might add. She was thrown out of the classroom for the rest of the year and suffered a lot because of this. When she tried to explain to those in authority the injustice that had happened to her, no one would take proper notice because all they could see was what she had done and how outrageous it appeared.

Violence is not the answer; it was a hard lesson for my friend. Had she remained calm and reported the incident, things would have been very different. This is an example of violence that is a conscious choice. Obviously, the consequences are negative. Of course the teacher was violent himself, but my friend submitted and got caught up in the net and cycle of violence.
Just like any negative behavior, violence can be unlearned. It is a matter of learning how to use your energy in a positive way. Violent people have a lot of energy. Finding the root of the person’s problem is the starting point. Perhaps that person had negative situations at home or at school; perhaps he or she was abused, bullied, or neglected. It could be one of many things. One of the biggest ways a person can learn to be violent is by being treated in extreme ways. The person may have been given no boundaries or the person may have been over-disciplined; this is where frustration and resentment creep in.
If you are a young person and find yourself continually behaving in a violent way, here are some things that you can do.

1. Establish Prayer, because being close to Allah keeps you calm and balanced.
2. Try to count to a certain number before you react.
3. Avoid situations where you know you will have a clash of opinions, especially with your peers.
4.  Don’t carry weapons, because you may get angry, lose control, and use them.
   Make sure you get enough sleep. Even people who do not have a problem with violent behavior can become moody and irritable when they do not get sufficient sleep.
5. Try to keep your stress level down, for example, have a good diet and eat nutritious food, don’t overload yourself with work, try to be moderate in everything, and avoid any kind of intoxicant.
6. Keep your wudu at all times, because that keeps Satan away from you. Of course, he will always be trying to make you angry, because that leads to negative behavior.
7. Keep company with nonviolent friends; with balanced and positive people. If you hang out with violent people or gangs, you will end up doing what they do because of peer pressure.
8. Avoid watching violent films and playing violent video games, because they will stimulate you and let you enter a world of unreality, where there are no consequences and no punishments, which is not true in the real world.

One time, there were three boys who watched a film and they saw someone being hanged. After watching this film they began to enact it and they hung one of their friends, just like they had seen in the film. The boy died, even though they didn’t intend to kill him. They thought it was just a game.

Films also glamorize violence and make violent people into popular heroes that young people emulate. Since we live in a world of films and imagination, we must learn to tell the difference between reality and fantasy.
Here are some tips on how to stop being violent.
Avoid intoxicants because they feed your sense of unreality, which is bad for you.
Keep yourself busy doing positive and beneficial activities.
Enroll in some kind of community work where you do things for other people who can’t do those things for themselves. In this way, you will have a sense of strength without having to be violent.
Play nonviolent sports-tennis, squash, gymnastics, swimming and so on.
Try to trace the source of your anger. Some thing must have happened at some time during your life that made you feel as you do. All people have the potential to be angry and violent, but some curb it while others don’t. If you are one of the people who don’t, then try to find out why.
Learn to deal with the violent urges that stem from anger and be aware of how anger and violence may be accepted in your society, even though it is wrong behavior. To shed more light on this point, imagine there are twins and one is raised in a nonviolent society while the other is raised in a violent society. They will both learn different ways of dealing with their anger and violence. Try to find out how you fit into all this.
Develop good communication skills so you can express yourself as this will help you to keep within your anger threshold. A friend of mine was living in a foreign country and could not speak the language well. Whenever she was in a confrontation she would find herself getting angry very quickly, simply because she couldn’t make herself understood. The same applies when we try to speak to people of our own language and culture but we cannot get our point across. This results in frustration, anger, and violence.
Look at the reasons for your violent behavior and then adjust that behavior. For example, if you find that you get violent when you mix with certain people, then stop mixing with them! Also, be careful of overreacting. Plan for yourself, taking into account the people around you. For instance, a common problem is that young people often don’t ask for permission to go out to an important function until the day arrives, then they just throw the situation at parents, who might react and say no simply because it takes them off guard. The answer for this would be to ask permission in advance and get them used to the idea.
Finally, keep the channels of communication open with your parents, brothers, and sisters so you can receive guidance and advice from them. Choose a relative who is close to you in age, one who has experienced adolescence recently and so can empathize more. Discuss your problems, fears, and concerns; recognize your emotions and give them their right-meaning don’t suppress your emotions but do this is a positive, nonaggressive, nonviolent way